Debra White Smith
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Debra White Smith offers biblical answers to today’s issues—
big and small.
Got a problem? Ask Debra.
Question: I am a successful businessman with a beautiful wife and two children. Last summer, I went on a business trip and wound up having a one night stand with an old girlfriend. A few weeks later, I got a call from her and found out she’s pregnant. I insisted on DNA tests, and the baby is mine. She is adamant about not wanting to marry me; and I don’t want to marry her either, for that matter. However, my girlfriend is asking for child support once the baby is born; and she also wants help with her medical bills. My wife doesn’t know. If I tell her, I could lose everything. Hiding all this from my wife indefinitely will be nearly impossible since she is our financial manager. I am considered an upstanding person in my church. I have prayed that God would just somehow make this all go away, but he isn’t. Now what?
Answer: I am reminded of the story of King David in the Old Testament. He took the wife of another man, Uriah, and they conceived a child. He tried to get Uriah to come home from war and sleep with his wife so the poor guy would think he was the father of the baby. But Uriah was so honorable, he slept at the palace entrance in an act of allegiance to his country and fellow soldiers. In order to cover his sin, David then wound up arranging for Uriah to be killed on the front line of battle. Then, David married Uriah’s wife, Bathsheba.
Like you, I’m sure David just wanted the whole thing to go away. Since that didn’t happen, he resorted to murder. One sin led to another. The problem is, God knew everything, and he sent a prophet, Nathan, to confront David. (See 2 Samuel 11-12)
Presently, God knows everything in your situation as well. As bad as you hate to tell your wife, God already knows. It really isn’t a secret. (Mark 4:22) If you don’t tell your wife, she will most likely find out on her own. It’s better to be honest and come clean. This way, you will show yourself as a man of character who made a bad mistake, rather than a coward who refuses to acknowledge his sin. Also, don’t fall prey to David’s folly and commit another sin, whatever that could be, to cover the first one. You made a dreadful choice, and there’s nothing you can do to change the past. Heaping one sin on top of another is only going to heap more consequences on you later.
I won’t lie to you; there is an emotional holocaust before you. There is a chance you will lose your wife and kids. No one but God knows what the outcome will be. Commit your life wholly to Christ, ask for His forgiveness, repent of ever having fallen, and pray that God will give your wife the grace to forgive you.
If your wife does decide to stay in the marriage, seek counseling immediately. The injury from this issue alone is probably going to take you years to overcome. However, there were most likely serious issues in your marriage before you ever made this wrong choice. Whatever the case, you are going to need the help of a specialist who can assist you in holding your marriage together.
With all that said, God can and will redeem this situation if you let Him. After David and Bathsheba’s first baby died, they gave birth to Solomon, the wisest king who ever lived. Understand that God’s plan wasn’t that they should sin. It wasn’t His will for David to commit adultery with Bathsheba and murder her husband so he could marry her, but once David repented God forgave him. He then took the wrong choices David made and brought a beautiful mind (Solomon) from the union with Bathsheba.
None of this is to say that we all should just go ahead and do what we want to do because God will redeem it. No! (See Romans 6) Like David, you still have to deal with the consequences of creating a relationship mess. However, you can take hope and trust that God is still God. Nothing you can do, no matter how bad, is bigger than who He is. Place your faith and yourself wholly in His hands, and embrace a lifestyle of truth and integrity. He will go before you and hold you up as you commit to His ways.
The author of 53 books, Debra White Smith has over one million books in print worldwide and is the featured relationship specialist on the Fox News Radio Show, “Plain Jane Wisdom.” For more information, visit www.debrawhitesmith.com.
Got a problem? E-mail Debra at firstname.lastname@example.org