Gathering Together

                       WHAT NOW? WHATS NEXT?

   

                   I’m single, saved, and don’t know what to do next

 

                                  Kevin Moutry, Park Forest, IL.

                            

What Now? What’s Next? Dealing with life After Divorce………..

 

Introduction:

 

I wrote this book because I found myself after being married for 13 years in this same situation. I was saved, divorced and even more than that a SINGLE MINISTER. I found myself wondering, "Where do I go from here? What do I do next? Of course there were those seasoned saints who said this is time for you and GOD to get closer and to focus on ministry, but none of those saints were single, they had spouses at home, they had companionship. There was no one that took the time to tell me how to deal with the void of the companionship that I was used to, how to deal with the fact that I was 36 years old, and I have to start all over as far as companionship. So after soul searching and prayer and making mistakes and learning from them I found myself writing this book. I pray that there is something in here that will help others who are going through the same thing that I am going through.

It is important to realize that while the experience of going through a divorce can be stressful and traumatic, it is not the end of your life. It is not the end of you being happy nor is it the end of romance in your life. It is the end of one relationship and even though you may feel very alone at the time, the feelings of loss are a temporary stop along the road to recovery if you are willing to heal. With an optimistic and faithful outlook and divorce support from GOD family and friends, things will always get better.

What Now? What’s next?

This book is for anyone who has been through divorce, and now is finding themselves back on the dating scene and

 

missing the companionship, the physical intimacy, and love that they were used to having with their mate. My goal is to share my own experience as a saved, single, Christian Minister and the things that I faced and had to endure. I will share my experiences with you in hopes to show you how to overcome the temptation that you will face, should you date, how do you date as a Christian?

One thing you will notice in this book is that I purposely didn’t use a lot of statistics or scriptures. Not that the Word of God is not essential in everyday life it’s just that there were not a lot of scriptures that dealt with divorce. Another thing I want to point out is that I am not a professor, doctor, nor am I a counselor. What I am is someone that has been through divorce as Christian that was led by GOD to write this book to address this subject that is seldom discussed in our Churches, especially in the black community.

I grew up in a family of 10 children, 6 by my parents and 4 by my father’s first marriage. I am the second to the youngest child out of the 10 (six girls and four boys). My parents were married for 32 years before my father passed away in 1997 so I grew up seeing marriage being practiced and celebrated all of my life. Now of course my parents had their share of ups and downs but they always seemed to manage our family and their marriage. I never seen my parents argue and fight they made sure that they did not project that type of behavior in front of us. Our home was a loving home and although there were times when we didn’t have much we always had each other. My father was a veteran of the Korean war and he was a Chef and I remember him taking me to the grocery store every Saturday at 6a.m. like clockwork and he taught me the value of shopping and cooking and managing a family on very little.

Now don’t get me wrong things were not always tough for me and my family, my father worked two full-time jobs to support us and he made sure my mom didn’t have to work so she could be home to raise us. He worked as a foreman in a Steel mill and he was a manager of a restaurant and on Saturdays he did banquets at our Church to raise money for the Church. I can remember when my father became very ill and he couldn’t work and my mom went down to the welfare office to get assistance and she went to the Veteran Affairs office and was turned down. Now with some families that would have been so devastating but I remember my family coming together and we started a family business. We started running numbers, yes I said it we started being bookies, well at least my mom was the bookie we were her assistants. Now I know there are a lot of people that are frowning right now but we had to do what we had to do. Remember this was like a last resort my mom tried to get assistance but was turned down.

We ran the family business for some years until my father was able to return to work. I remember that my mom never tried to make my father feel like he was less of a man because of his illness. She was making very nice money but when it came to taking care of things she still allowed him to be a man. She would bring the money that she made to him and would follow his lead on where to spend it. Now that is a strong black woman right there, strong enough to be a helpmeet and yet vulnerable enough to still be respectful to her husband as a man. You just don’t see that in these times anymore. I am saying this to show you that I come from a background of successful marriage, I have seen it first-hand. My father’s parents and my mother’s parents were all married until death did them part. So you see when I thought about marriage I thought, longevity, commitment, stability, love, care, partnership and loyalty.

The thought of divorce never entered my mind, yes my father was married before but he never treated his children from his first marriage any differently. We were all family, we were taught that the other four children were our sisters and our brother, not step-brother and step-sisters, they were at our home often and our mother treated them like they were her very own. So when I got married the thought never crossed my mind about what if it doesn’t work? I never thought about what am I going to do if we get divorced? I didn’t think I would ever be in the position that I found myself in after 13 years of marriage. There may be quite a few people out there that are dealing with the same thing that I am dealing with and have dealt with and I pray that this book serves as a tool to help you deal with all of the feelings you are experiencing right now and the life you are facing after the divorce.

After all, who really thinks when they are getting married that there is the possibility that things may not work. Marriage is supposed to be a very happy occasion that brings two individuals together to become one flesh, one mind one spirit. They are to become partners in life and in love and are supposed to spend a lifetime building a wonderful life together. Now I do realize that all marriages are not like this and I understand that what we experience in our lives growing up will shape our views on things, for me because I grew up in a house where there were two parents who were married until one of them passed on. So my view of marriage may be different than others who grew up in a single parent home or grew up with both parents until there was a divorce, they may look at marriage and say that they don’t believe that it can work.

So you may be reading this book right now and saying, "How will this book help me?" I assure you that there will be

something said in this book that will help you along your road to your recovery from your divorce. There is life after divorce there is happiness after divorce you can survive it you can make it through it. Look at me I thought life was over after my divorce and I went through a dark period of depression and low self-esteem but with the help of GOD I made it through and now I’m here to share my experiences with you in hopes that you will learn from them and not make the same errors that I did. I wish there was something that was available to me when I was going through my divorce that would have prepared and helped me along the way. I can look back and say that everything happens for a reason and that GOD allowed me to make those errors so that I could write this book to help others that are facing the same dilemma that I was facing. All of the tests and trials that I went through have become my testimony and will hopefully and prayerfully be a roadmap for you that are reading this book to show you how you can deal with life after divorce.

"The hardest thing about divorce is actually accepting that the marriage is over acceptance is key in your recovery."by Kevin Moutry

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 http://www.freewebs.com/gatheringtogether/What's%20next%20Wha%20Now%20revised%5b1%5d.pdf