Gathering Together

                   Learning to Live Victimless



Abused individuals; be it rape, domestic or any form of assault, may result in emotional, physical and mental trauma. The victims of these horrific and senseless crimes against humanity may experience years of guilt, bitterness, and phobias of varying degrees or classifications.

Unfortunately most abuse cases go unreported, and the victim is left hopeless and unable to escape the embarrassment, and may suffer extreme depression. The unwillingness to seek professional counseling only exacerbates the emotional trauma of the victim.


Many human beings will never experience or have personal knowledge of this grave injustice. The all so common "fight-flight-or freeze" epinephrine can save ones life, or cause an untimely demise. I am a former child, adult and domestically abused victim. My only concern was to first: attempt to escape mentally, which caused me to freeze and submit to my attacker. During domestic encounters however, I would fight with every breath in my body, until I felt myself entering a "red-zone." This I later identified as being a danger zone, which consist of deadly physical retaliation. Most women abhor violence and find it hard to "resort to violence," to escape their attacker. However, protecting one's self is as vital as receiving CPR if one ceases to breathe. When victims do not report abuse, the abuser continues to operate a revolving door leading to more victims.


While the willingness to report the offense IMMEDIATELY, as well as committing to counseling with a support group of recovering victims, may not come overnight; all victims deserve the right to heal. It took years for not only my body to heal, but also my heart. Yes, most victims choose suicide, rather than fight for their lives after the ordeal. Whether one is left physically impaired, or otherwise; the aftermath for victims vary to such extreme, that there aren't really enough support groups to cater to each individual need. Rape, assault, physical or domestic abuse has its' own mandate; its own agenda and scenario. Rape, abuse or assault is color blind, hasn't any gender preference or age qualifications. Be it the attacker or the victim.


I would say the most common response to these type ordeals, is embarrassment or guilt. Most victims tend to go through the dying process of, "D.A.B.D.A.; the feelings of denial, anger-badgering or blaming themselves, depression and never accepting what happened, but rather reverting back to denying the facts thereof. And, or losing themselves in unhealthy rituals, such as excessive and aggressive showering, dressing in unimpressive clothing, or the opposite; becoming promiscuous, which is a direct violation of who they were before the assault. There are multiple impossibilities a victim will impose or plant in their very being, as becoming obscure, bitter, and unfortunately, unforgiving of ourselves first and foremost, as well as the attacker. Why forgive the attacker? Forgiveness is a desperate step which is so commonly overlooked, or ejected from the healing process. If we deny ourselves the gift of forgiveness, we deny ourselves the gift of forgetting. It's mandatory to release the hate, anger and the soil of sin imposed on our being; helpless and weak were we, so if we choose not to rid ourselves of the transgression of unforgiveness; it is to do ourselves a horrible disservice.


I've learned support groups are for some, and not for others. I chose to harbor the guilt for years. I chose to marry or date "abusive men," for years. I chose to punish my body with deadly drug and alcohol abuse, for years, until the mercy of God, which was always there; caught my attention, and I collapsed in a weak and fetal position, and literally gave in, and released every memory in my heart; plucked from the depths of my spirit. Once I opened that portal to my soul; I was crushed and feeble, weak with relentless pain. Every avenue of regaining our life is a process. Time is NOT of the essence. God has a progressive plan, which may entail your public advocacy for victims of crime or assault/rape, or He may guide you to one-on-one counseling to guide those victims through first and foremost the healing process. There are personal steps for some or generic steps for others. Some choose the clinical approach; solely, and some choose to interface with faith-based services. Whatever the avenue, the outcome is priceless. A woman is a priceless creation of God, as is humanity as a whole.


God is an amazing source of refuge. Through all the therapy sessions, retrieving vital facts, re-living the incident, dealing with the reality of victimization; God has become a beacon of hope and restoration. I can't take back what happened, but I can share God's amazing presence. God didn't let what happened to me happen; He was there for me during and after. I've prescribed my mantra; "I refuse to be a victim twice, for the same ordeal" as my inspiration. I refuse to live in denial, and I utterly refuse not to share my testimony, and the steps I took to regain my life; to make better choices in friends, dating, and observing my environment or surroundings. We can do all we can, at times, to avoid such incidents; unfortunately at times to no avail. If I could leave the best advice possible to women, children, men; "pray without ceasing." Keep Jesus in the forefront and hindsight of your thoughts. We were not put on this earth to live in fear; we were born to be saved. To all the families, friends and loved ones who have suffered a loss due to "abuse in any form," may God keep you and strengthen during the many seconds to years to come; you are in my prayers.


Please Report Abuse; you may remain Anonymous

RAINN | Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network | RAINN: The nation's largest anti-sexual assault organization. One of "America's 100 Best Charities" —Worth magazine

National Domestic Violence Hotline


Living Victim-less is my choice,

Tina Chestnut (Writing as "Ti Maze" fka Ty Mays) ©

November 2011